I used to daydream that heaven — if it exists — will be turn out to be reliving just about any concert I went to in the thriving underground southern California music scene of the 1990s, with the single difference that everyone at the show realizes we all know each other, having met in the subsequent decades thanks to a labyrinth of unexpected circumstances. As it turns out, this may have actually happened.

It will probably always remain a mystery to me how hundreds of us met belatedly over the next couple decades through truly uncanny chance encounters. Like the time I found myself on a Venetian gondola celebrating a one-year anniversary with my then-girlfriend Megan, and it suddenly dawned on me that our gondolier was an eccentric man I often saw performing spoken word poetry at early '90s hardcore shows. Within a week, he began training me to become a gondolier myself, serenading guests while serving gourmet multi-course dinners with wine parings as we rowed through the Newport Beach harbor.

Megan

It was an unexpected job that took me to some unexpected places. In my spare time between working as a private investigator and touring drummer, I was rowing gondolas in reality TV shows, starring in a Bertolli pasta commercial, and accidentally floating into the background of an episode of "Bacon Paradise." Eventually, I began restoring and painting gondolas as well, like the one I prepared as a surprise gift for Siegfried & Roy in the massive pool at their home in Las Vegas (pictured above, top right), or the one for Adam Sandler and Katie Holmes in some film, or for the bizarre magazine ads of an Italian shoe company (pictured below).

An uncanny number of guests I rowed on those gondolas over the next couple decades turned out to be strangers I recognized from the music scene I grew up in. If anyone had told me back then that the next time I'd see their faces, I'd be playing a surprise role in their wedding engagement, or actually performing their wedding ceremony as an ordained minister on a gondola, I would say that the future sounds pretty weird. But as it turns out, the previously invisible connections between us were often more shocking and complex than we'd ever imagine.

I had a close friend in high school who volunteered for an organization that did large-scale clandestine smuggling operations all over the globe. Whenever the school year started, and everyone asked each other what they did all summer, most people would share the typical teenage stories of surfing or baseball. But Matt's stories usually involved taking part in underwater smuggling operations in remote corners of the ocean and sometimes getting arrested by the secret service of this country or the defense forces of that. Years later, we walked 500 miles all the way across Spain together, where he ostensibly coordinated logistics for these operations remotely via cell phone while we walked 12 - 15 miles a day.

Even though I knew the organization was real (he briefly recruited me to run their training simulations for new volunteers at a well known university), I still wondered how much of his stories were made up. Until one night when I rowed a couple on a romantic cruise through the Newport harbor who turned out to be the founders of the organization Matt worked for. They corroborated his stories (without my prompting) right down to microscopic levels of detail. And they too — I belatedly realized — had been at some of the same concerts. Matt had only pretended not to know them.

Steve Elkins Officiating Wedding Ceremonies On A Gondola

After rowing gondolas on and off for a couple decades, it's easy to get philosophical wondering what unseen forces cause peoples' paths to cross in such unexpected ways over time. Thanks to these boats, I was reunited with several long lost friends I thought I'd never see again, until they showed up for their gondola reservation not realizing I was their gondolier. More than once, I also became an unexpected accomplice to their engagement, secretly dropping a message in a bottle into the water with their marriage proposal contained inside for them to "discover" when I rowed back for it.

There were other unexpected reunions. For awhile, I was working as a private investigator by day while rowing gondolas at night, and my friends used to joke what an uncanny position I was in for investigating affairs. And sure enough, I once discovered an acquaintance's affair when he unknowingly booked a cruise on my boat. That was an awkward two hours.

Van Halen + Chinese Mega-Pop-Star He Jie

I could write books on all the stories from this job. I once rowed Chinese mega-pop-star He Jie and her husband He Ziming (pictured below) in a gondola. We were almost run over by Van Halen bassist Michael Anthony in his sea vessel which is aptly named the "Kiss My Amps." I saw Michael most nights of the week (he lived in one of the houses I rowed past every night), and I am pleased to confirm that that Mad Anthony — venerable wielder of the whiskey bass — has been known to watch the sunset from the back of his boat to the accompaniment of his own hits like "Hot For Teacher." Turned up to 11. There are forces for good in this world.

Whitney Houston would sometimes emerge from one of the houses I rowed past whenever she heard me singing. It still floors me how gracious she was, making a point to applaud and cheer every time.

Eccentric Boss And Chief Gondolier Greg + His Family

The "eccentric man I often saw performing spoken word poetry at early '90s hardcore shows" (i.e. my boss) has become a lifelong friend and inspiration. He braved the extreme conditions of living near the Bering Strait in Alaska, and on the streets of Jamaica, before building a community of gondoliers that stretch from Venice to southern California.

When he couldn't fulfill his dream of becoming the first person to row a gondola across all 50 miles of the Panama Canal (due to political obstructions), he led a team that became the first to row a fleet of gondolas 150 miles from Albany to New York City on the Hudson River. Their journey ended at Ground Zero in honor of the fallen heroes of 9-11.

Steve Elkins And Fellow Gondoliers (US Gondola Nationals, 2013)

There aren't many gondoliers in the United States, even though the tradition was started in Newport Beach well over a hundred years ago by a Venetian. But each year, gondoliers from around the country get together for the US Gondola Nationals, a kind of "Gondola Olympics" where we compete in various races and challenges for prizes. It usually ends with us rowing the boats to the nearest bar and boisterously bellowing Italian songs over a pint, or two, or three...

Spectator At The 2013 Gondola Olympics (Seal Beach, California)

As you can see above, not all spectators at the US Gondola Nationals had benevolent intentions.

Laguna Beach Engagement (Photos By Paul Sargeant)

CODA: It was an honor to come full circle and have several fellow gondoliers take part in my own engagement. She thought we were strolling along the beach before going to an art show. Then we walked into a natural rock arch which I'd had them fill with lanterns just before we arrived. My gondolier friend Danny emerged to serenade us as we walked through. Emerging from the cave onto a private secluded beach, we slow danced and I managed to propose just in time before a rogue wave came in and submerged the entire beach.

The Cellar

We capped off our engagement night at The Cellar. Reserved the historic booth where Elizabeth Taylor got engaged to Richard Burton. Absinthe, Lobster-Cognac Bisque...well known to Fullertonians, this underground restaurant was designed by the artistic craftsmen of Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean in the '60s.

Steve Elkins (Center) Renovating Gondolas For The Newport Fleet